The Cause of My Heartbreak: Star Trek Fanfictions

As you may or may not know, I love reading, and that includes fanfictions. In fact, most of the time, I spend almost 20 hours a day reading fanfictions. They are my guilty pleasures. The fanfictions I read usually depend on what phase I’m in. For example, if I’m in The Avengers phase, I will only read that fandom’s fanfictions and nothing else. It will take weeks before I shift to another fandom.

However, there is one particular fandom that always made me scared. Give yourself a pat on your back if you could guess the fandom. Yup, it’s Star Trek.

I’m not sure if anyone knows, but my favourite genre or tropes when it comes to fanfictions are angst and slice of life. And I don’t know why, but most of the angsty Star Trek fanfictions I read are so angsty that it made me stop reading a lot of times because it hurt so bad, and made me frustrated that I want to cry.

That was why I feel so torn whenever I felt like I want to read Star Trek fics again. I’m not sure how to explain that feeling. It was like, you love it so much, but you know that it’s not good for you, mentally, so you have to stop yourself from reading them. I guess, it’s probably like being in an abused relationship (although, not really? haha)

Right now, I am facing this dilemma again. I have spent four weeks reading nothing but The Avengers/Marvel fanfictions, and now I feel like reading fanfictions from another fandom. I was thinking about one of my favourite Star Trek fanfictions called After Darkness Comes the Dawn by What’sHerName1 on, and I feel like I want to read it again.

But after I opened up the page, I found that I can’t. My heart just hurt so badly thinking about all the hurt I am going to feel when I read that fic, and I can’t make myself go through that. Even though I really really wanted to. I’m still trying to decide, but right now, I think I will probably skip the Star Trek fandom for this cycle and read fanfictions of another fandom. Star Trek will get its turn again after I manage to prepare myself mentally. Again.

So, have any of you felt like this? And not just for fanfictions. It can also be a book or even TV shows.



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